Disclaimers for My Future Boyfriend

Modern relationships are hard. I mean, not that I’d know because I’m very single and have been for a couple of years. But they just seem like they’d be so hard. Not that I wouldn’t mind rising to the challenge if presented with the chance, yet here I am with no prospects and tons of opinions.

Every time I’ve considered a serious relationship I’m usually frightened by how daunting it seems. That’s because I suck at relationships. Seriously. It always tends to end badly, leaving both parties hurt, confused, and all shades of angry. To prep for any future relationships (wishful thinking?), I couldn’t think of a better way to organize my thoughts than a list:


1. I suck at texting back. And really is it necessary to be texting at all times when we’re not together?

1. b) Or i’m not answering because I’m painting my nails. Please relax.

2. Some days I just like to be alone. It doesn’t mean I’m mad at you, it just means I want to take a nap and maybe watch a little (a lot) of Netflix.

3. I shouldn’t have to worry when making plans with other people that you may be hurt I didn’t ask you first.

4. Sometimes I may have to cancel plans. I’m human and life happens.

5. I do not celebrate weekly anniversaries.

6. You won’t be my #mancandymonday and I better not be your #womancrushwednesday because that’s stupid and I refuse to take part in hashtags. (#notsorry)

7. I’m not too fond of posting on social media. My private life is private, and not to be measured by likes or favourites.

8. You don’t have to spend a million dollars on dates. I love being outside and I’ll be happy with a hike or a long walk.

9. I may not say it often, but I do care about you. If you need to be reminded of it constantly, this won’t end well.

10. The answer to “Does this make me look fat?” is always no.

– S.

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4 thoughts on “Disclaimers for My Future Boyfriend

  1. These are awesome! Good luck!! Basically, I think when we allow the other person to be themselves, and they do the same for us, we are starting on the right foot, headed in the right direction


  2. Pingback: The Recipe for an Ideal Man | Fate and the Fearless

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