Adjustments

As I’ve said countless times before. I hate change. I hate having a familiar routine disrupted, and replaced by an unperfected new one. And no matter how many times I try and convince myself that “Hey! It’s gonna be okay,” I still feel like I’m about to be dragged under by a massive tidal wave.

Settling into new courses was much easier this year because I was surrounded by familiar faces and surroundings. I knew the quickest ways to class, how to organize due dates, and how to ask instructors all of the questions I needed in order to not feel like a lost little lamb. I know what I had to do, I just have to do it.

But still after the first day of class (which only consisted of a three hour lab), I felt like this was it. This would be the year my brain reaches its storage capacity and is unable to remember new knowledge. This would be the year I couldn’t keep up. This would be the year where I would realize that nursing wasn’t the profession for me, and would drop out with no future.

Being over-dramatic is one of my many charming talents. As is being humble.

Funnily enough, by the end of my second day I felt like I was on top of the world. It was a shortened day to tour the hospital for clinical and I was so excited by the end of it, I couldn’t wait to get on with the semester. The weekly assignments, care plans, personalized learning goal assignments, and 12 hour shifts didn’t seem so daunting anymore. Yes, I still considered it to be a challenge, but felt like it was something I would confidently surpass.

And to think last year I dreaded going to clinical.

I’m still nervous for what’s to come, but much more hopeful about it than I was 24 hours earlier. A little bit of time and a little bit of perspective is all it takes change a mood.

I’m still adjusting, and without a doubt will experience far more days where all I’ll want to do is climb in my bed and never get out. But for right now, I’m feeling pretty good, and that’s something to celebrate.

– S.

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