Incompatibility

I feel like my posts follow a basic recipe where I start with a story about an increasingly problematic friend making peculiar life decisions, and finish it off with my thoughts on the aforementioned peculiar life decisions.

I’m afraid today won’t be much different.

I can’t help that on a scale of relationship drama, my life falls in Blue’s Clues territory and hers always seems to rank around Jersey Shore level. It’s just the way it is, and we’re all going to accept it.

So this friend has been casually seeing this guy for the past three months. By casually seeing I mean they’ve gone on two actual dates and preferred to just get together weekly to have sex. Now that she’s back in school, she was finding that their differences were just too drastic and that she couldn’t see any sort of future with someone who’s current (and only) life goal was to work for a company that gave boat tours to honeymooners. She may be unfocused, but she is definitely ambitious and aspires for future greatness.

During the summer, she had deliberated on three separate occasions to tell him that she didn’t think they should continue their almost-relationship past the end of August. On each of those three separate occasions, she had changed her mind and decided to seriously try to make things work with him. The end decision had been to continue to see each other from September to December, and if everything had gone well, then to make the almost-relationship official.

The plan seemed logical enough, except for its fatal flaw of both parties being incredibly wrong for each other.

He drove up to visit her at the house she’s renting for the school year to spend the night, and she had planned on mentioning to him that she didn’t think she could get past that he isn’t doing anything productive with his life and wanted to just be friends. As expected, things didn’t go well and he stormed out of the house two hours after he’d gotten there.

Is anyone actually surprised, or is it just me?

I know that I approach relationships with far too much cynicism and logic but it saves a lot of wasted time and heartache. I know that love is not something simple that can be calculated, but as a woman of science I always turn to logic. Three months earlier, when my friend had mentioned that she wanted to reconnect with him (it didn’t work out the first time…another surprise), I had told her that if she isn’t sure, she needs to leave him alone because she’d only end up hurting him.

I would never say “I told you so” but seriously, I told her so.

Real relationships are real work. They involve compromise, trust, and compatibility. With all three of these qualities lacking, their almost-relationship was certainly doomed. Love isn’t selfish. It’s not about pretending to have feelings for someone, when in reality, it’s just the attention and praise you enjoy. Love isn’t about lust and empty conversations, but about sharing thoughts and valuing opinions. Love is mutual respect.

To me, that’s all common knowledge. It just never fails to amaze me how easy it is for some people to ignore the blatantly obvious in favour of a dream world where everything just works itself out on its own.

Incompatibility is incompatibility. Don’t force feelings where there aren’t any and these vague almost-relationships can be avoided, along with the confusion and senseless hurt they bring.

But seriously, this problematic friend of mine needs to get it together.

– S.

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One thought on “Incompatibility

  1. Pingback: Flawed Friendship | Fate and the Fearless

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