Looking Back

I stayed up late last night reading through all of my old posts. I don’t really know what I was expecting to find, but I knew I could guarantee cringe inducing torture. I guess I’d just I wanted to see if I’d changed or try to remember how I felt this last summer.

Turns out, the me from seven months ago was on to something. I came out with some real golden advice in my youthful, seven-months-younger phase:

“The danger is in mistaking empty attraction for love.” – Lust at First Sight

“Glamorizing someone else’s life doesn’t mean yours is any less worth living.” – Comparisons

I wrote a lot about my thoughts on love and relationships, which was really rich coming from a girl who’s more single than a hermit. But reading those words back, I could see how desperately I wanted to make sense of love. I wanted to understand why everyone acts so differently in relationships and why people just can’t see when they’ve set themselves up for failure.

“Secrets, hopes, dreams, and fears are now shared via text, as opposed to over meals or coffee. It’s become so easy to divulge intimate details through a screen, that a false trust is built, unlike the trust gradually developed in reality.” – Reboot Required

This past summer, I was so consumed with yearning for someone I hadn’t even met yet. I had romanticized and dramatized those feelings because it was literally all I wanted. I think I liked to pretend it didn’t matter, when it actually really did. Sometimes it honestly still does.

The difference between the me in those posts and the me writing this now, is that I finally get it. You can’t rush love. You can’t force it and you can’t expect the universe to comply with your whims simply because you think everyone else is getting what they want. And that realization had the most liberating effect on how I began to live my life.

“Inadequacy had tricked me into thinking it was my only friend, when in reality, it was friendly with everyone in this world.”Inadequacy

I ended my first post by saying “Here goes nothing.” That mindset is still what keeps me honest in my writing. Before I started writing, I had no idea what I was missing out on. Apparently all of those psychologists and researchers are onto something. Sorting out your feelings and thoughts really does make for a healthier life.

At the very least, you’re left with some gems to look back on and waste time, when you really should be focusing on a 12 -page essay.

– S.
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