Human beings are made to adapt. We change routines, move cities, jump into new adventures. We make habits and break them, sometimes without even realizing it. We whine and complain our way through duties and responsibilities, yet always find time to do a whole lot of nothing.
Boy am I good at doing nothing.
When I first started writing last summer, I was hooked. I was posting nearly every day because I just couldn’t get enough of the release offered by typing up my thoughts and feelings. Once school started, I accepted that I wouldn’t always be able to make time to write, but still I wouldn’t go more than a week without posting a little something. Through it all I always promised myself: I would quit if it felt like a chore.
I wrote to clear my head and my heart. I did it to sort through my feelings and give me a new perspective on whatever I was dealing with at the time. I use this space to be completely honest with myself, without worrying about the backlash of judgment. Even with five courses and a social life, writing never felt like work.
Once the heavy planning for my sister’s wedding got underway, I found myself with less and less time to write. I wasn’t even reading other blogs anymore because I simply wasn’t thinking about writing. I even started a few posts and gave up a few sentences in because it just didn’t seem good enough.
Why the heck was I imposing standards on how I should articulate my feelings in my little online diary? I wasn’t suddenly having fewer feelings or unimportant thoughts. I felt that if I couldn’t excel, I didn’t want to bother trying at all. The more time that got away from me, the less I wanted to sit down and reflect. I think I underestimated how much I valued the regular honesty hour because I’ve just been feeling like a jumble of emotions lately.
So I’m going to try.
I’m going to try to get back to doing what I love by making time, especially when I’m too busy by occupying myself with nothing of substance. I will never let my hobby be a chore, but it surely deserves some effort and attention.
No filter, no stress, no lies.