Not So Bad

Sometime in the last month or so, my general doom and gloom attitude has taken a backseat. The shift has been almost imperceptible, even to myself, until a particularly hot shower brought it to the forefront of my mind – as hot showers tend to do.

Without noticing how or exactly when, I’ve been far more optimistic lately, looking on the brighter side of every situation. You may want to sit down because this may come as a surprise to you: I don’t generally have the sunniest of dispositions. I’m broody, often grumpy and skilled at listing reasons as to why a situation won’t work out, rather than how it actually could.

A typical east coast gal, through and through.

I mean back in September, I nearly had a panic attack over my coming placement in a complex care unit, working consecutive 12-hour shifts. While it’s still not my idea of a good time, I know I’ll get through it. Whoa, head rush… Is this what growing up feels like?

Lately, my go to response for just about everything has been “Eh. That’s not so bad.”

Maybe it’s because my gruelling semester has nearly ended. Maybe it’s because the weather has been warmer and steadily sunnier (a huge achievement for snowy Canada). Maybe it’s because I’m going to be an aunt in six short months so I’m feeling all sorts of soft.

While I’ve still got a final exam and a spring semester of classes to come before my summer of freedom, for the first time in a really, really long time, I have the feeling that things are going to be okay. Life will go on, bringing challenges that seem nearly impossible, but everything will be okay. A few years from now, I’ll be able to look back and realize that I wasn’t as lost as I felt in my early twenties. Things weren’t so bad.

Keep in mind that nothing major has changed. I haven’t suddenly won the lottery or met the man of my dreams. I’m still working all the time, and trying to get my university degree. My goals are still (quite literally) miles away.

But it’s not so bad.

– S.

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