Wants and Doubts

So, I have a genuine question. Is it still the year of realizing things, or have we moved past that now?

Because guys. I’m realizing things.

When I was younger, I’d sit around the house whining all day about being bored. The problem then, was an irrational expectation that life should be like a Disney channel sitcom with a supportive best friend and a weekly wild adventure.

The solution was to go outside, turn the sprinklers on and play tag with my sisters. (Oh the 90s).

I’ve got a bit of a annoying personality flaw, in that I’m an extremely nostalgic person. I also apparently like to torture myself. Combining the two means that I constantly catch myself feeling down about missing the good old days. Except the good old days I reminisce about, are the ones I was counting down at the time.

So… Am I bored or just unable to enjoy the present?

I guess what it all comes down to is a major life decision that’s heading my way. I need to decide what I’m doing when I graduate university in just a short couple months.

Do I play it safe and find a local job, continuing to live in my comfortable town?

Or should I take the leap and pick up my life, moving 1000 miles away?

I’ve been talking myself in and out of both options. I’ve wanted to move so badly for a couple years now. It was the only thing I wanted, the only goal I pictured that kept me going. But as I get older, I’m realizing I don’t hate my life. I don’t need a drastic change to reinvent myself. I like me. It wouldn’t be so bad to keep on going the way things are, at least for a couple more years.

It’s always a little scary when the things you thought you always wanted become the things you find you can live without.

It makes me reconsider the other things I’ve always wanted, which is completely terrifying. For years I’ve been strongly convinced that I know what I want, what I like, and what I dislike. I mean, I convinced myself I hated shrimp for 17 years. Turns out, it’s not so bad.

So what if I’ve closed myself off from other things I thought I disliked? What if I’ve wasted time pursuing something I’m so sure I want, only to realize it’s become an unfamiliar desire in the end?

What if I’ve been making the wrong choices?

– S.

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One thought on “Wants and Doubts

  1. Pingback: Change and Decisions | Fate and the Fearless

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